Breaking up with a romantic partner, especially someone you’ve been close to for a long time, can cause a gap in your life. If your relationship has been heading downhill for some time, or if you have experienced emotional abuse at any point, there could be a feeling of relief. However, after a span of several days or weeks, you may find yourself faced with loneliness. After all, after your break up, there is no longer an intimate partner to spend time with or speak to. The sense of being by yourself all of a sudden can have a huge impact on your mental state of well-being.
Studies say that loneliness can be considered a killer. It can increase your stress levels, worsen disorders such as drug dependencies or heart problems, as well as psychological problems such as depressive disorders, stress, or even suicide. Demographically, women have a tendency to fare better than men when it comes to break ups. Women may be more interpersonal-oriented, relationship-focused, and have more friends, whereas men, who have a tendency to be work-focused with smaller social support systems, tend to suffer more. But this stereotype can be detrimental to certain women. Introverted women can struggle as much as men.
But loneliness - whether the feeling comes on periodically or whether it's a chronic condition dragging down your daily life - is a natural result of any break up. Loneliness comes from grief. It doesn’t matter how good or bad a relationship might have been; we experience grief after a breakup because the emotional attachments which have been formed over a long period of time are abruptly cut off.
Here are 5 Tips for How to Get Over a Breakup:
Other people will only know what is going on in your daily life if you inform them. Yes, you might need time to straighten out what’s occurred for yourself before you can tell anyone, or you might feel ashamed or be concerned about the reactions that other people may have. But sooner or later, you will need to let others in. Some will be sympathetic, others less so; it doesn’t matter. But by letting others in, you can judge for yourself who may be open and supportive - these are the people you should keep close to you as you undertake this difficult healing process.
If you have a good friend, a mother or father or sibling, a therapist, or someone with whom you feel comfortable and supported by, be sure to check in with them, either personally or by phone. Text messages are all right as well, but it will be ideal if you can have your chats on a more intimate level. This will give you greater comfort and a sense of support.
By checking in, you are forced to go out of your comfort zone, and to evaluate how you do, to notice what has changed about yourself over the times and weeks. This is important to counteract the psychological disconnect that you may understandably feel.
If your friends or coworkers happen to invite you to social events and gatherings, you should make it a point to attend, even if you don’t feel like it. When you are there, observe how you are feeling. With grief, you may be hesitant to venture out of your comfort zone, but once you make it happen, you will often find that you feel better at the end of the day. The trick is to manage expectations you have about yourself and keep them low. Don’t feel pressured. You don’t have to have ‘fun’ or be the life of the party. Just be present in the moment and mindful of the goings-on. Don’t feel concerned about having to stay – you can leave at any time if you want to. It’s not about socializing or your performance but about overcoming any negative state of mind.
The silver lining of a breakup is that you now have renewed independence to do what you would like to do, things that you might have been forced to set aside when you were in a relationship. Rather than worry, concentrate on finding ways to fill your time with activities that you love. You can go read books at a library, volunteer at a shelter, pick up a new hobby, go hiking or traveling. You don’t have to feel stressed about finding a new romantic partner; rather, just focus on being around like-minded people whom you can enjoy spending time with.
The key is to be proactive. Go outside and find something to do before the negativity descends. After the loneliness gets control, it becomes harder to do anything else.
With any breakup, you're taking on an emotional burden. This can cause your serotonin levels to drop and cortisol levels to increase. Even low-dose medication can help reduce any negative symptoms you may experience. Therapy can help you not just have support, but also offer an opportunity to learn lessons from your past relationships as well as new coping skills. A breakup can be hard, but you don’t have to suffer through it alone.
Do you know of other ways for how to get over a breakup?